Okay, if Morton really loves everybody, does that include bad people?
Yes!
But they're bad!
Morton has two kinds of love. Kissy love for good people and poopy love for bad people .
Poopy love?
It means Morton throws his love poop at them. To show his love.
And this is just for bad people?
No. It's also for bears and ocelets and sometimes for good people, if Morton eats too much chili.
What do you have against bears and ocelots?
Nothing! Morton loves them! Pay attention!
Okay, so, say, Osama bin Laden, he gets....?
Triple-strength poopy love!
But Katie Couric?
Kissy love!
And Bobby Orr?
Kissy love!
And Sailor Moon Jupiter?
Kissy kissy love!
What about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
Ha ha! Made-up name!
Or Sheik Hassan Nasrallah?
Made-up name!
Or Tom Brokaw?
Made-up name!
What about Angus ibn Wahrscheinlichkeit LeWong-McToodleskrakenbush?
Triple kissy love! And poopy love for his pet ocelot!
