Morton's Christmas Card #7

Falalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaa!!!!!

Morton's Christmas Card #6

Morton was good this year and didn't set hardly anything on fire. See?

Gordon's Christmas Card

Go away. These are mine! Shut up!

Morton's Christmas Card #5

Morton was in there for five days with nothing to eat but cheese and crackers and peppermints and his mouth feels like he ate a foot! Now, come get your Christmas kiss!

Morton's Christmas Card #4

On Donner! On Blitzen! On Ralphie! On Debbie! (It is so a reindeer!)

Morton's Christmas Card #3

Your love pounce is almost ready, Santa. Just come a little closer. Closer. Closer.

Morton's Christmas Card #2

Morton has a new plan to surprise Santa this year!

Morton's Christmas Card #1

Silver bellllls, Batman smelllllls
It's Christmas time, gimme candy...

Morton Plans To Use Subterfuge To Advance His Hockey Career

Everybody tells Morton he looks Swedish anyway!

Meanwhile, Morton's Country Cousin Louella Discovers A New Delicacy

Dried tree mushrooms. Lovingly prepared by squirrels using carefully paw-picked ingredients, these late autumn delicacies are a perfect addition to any meal. Just watch out for slivers!

Luckily, Morton Discovers A Simple Cure For His Seasonal Funk

SNOW ANGELS!!!!!!!!!

Morton Has A Moment Of Reflection

Stupid winter.

Morton Confronts The Existential Absurdity Of Life

Morton's whole face is cold!

A Bitter Wind Begins To Blow

Maybe...maybe no-one wants to play with Morton. Not even in the snow.

Morton's Expectations Remain High

Morton has fixed up the castle to play in and everything!

Morton Rushes Out To Play The Winter Playground Games

Everybody will be here aaaaaaany second now.

Morton Never Ceases To Be Amazed At The Sight Of The First Snow

It's like the world is turning into a...a...wonderland of some kind!

Now, By Definition, It's A Love Seat

A free love seat!

It's Been Ten Minutes

It's been hours and hours and hours!

Fresh Back From Toronto, Morton Immediately Starts Hanging With His Old Gang

And then, Morton went to a hockey game! But nobody would let him on the ice.

Morton Ends His Toronto Adventure On A Slight Note Of Confusion

They don't look like leafs at all!

Morton Spots A Celebrity...Or Two

It's John Cusack! And, behind him, with the glasses, that's Johnny Depp! And, in-between them, that's Isabella Rossellini! And the woman in the scarf is Lisa Kudrow!

Morton Is Having His Cappuccino In The Future

Does this mean Morton has already drinked it?

As True Friends, They Save Morton From Himself

Ohhh. Morton would've made a good puck! Stupid rules.

Morton Does Manage To Make Some New Friends On The Way Out

Morton is going to pretend to be a puck!

Morton Could, Perhaps, Have Selected His Words With More Care

Well, excuse me, Mister Security Guard, but some of us are trying to take a bath here!

Morton Never Lets An Opportunity For Good Hygiene Pass Him By

Now Morton just needs his bubbly soap and it's bath time!

Morton Has His First Brush With Greatness

Greatness is a little stinky.

Another Mild Disappointment Comes Morton's Way

They told Morton there would be a seal here? Where is it? Hello! Mister Seal! Morton has a great big fish for you!

Morton Has Something On His Mind. Guess What It Might Be.

It starts with "H".

Morton Feels Mysteriously Drawn To This Spot For Some Inexplicable Reason

Look! All different kinds of stinky cheese! Morton could eat stinky cheese here until he throwed up three times!

Morton Senses A Fresh Challenge

Morton could climb up there easy! Wanna see?

Morton Gets Excited, But Will Soon Be Mildly Disappointed

Rocket? Morton is going on an actual rocket?

Morton Begins A New Adventure With A Loud Rallying Cry

Chooooo chooooo!!!!! Chooooo chooooo!!!!

The Last Thing Morton Would Want To Do Is Play Favourites

You're Morton's favourite! Yes you are! Yes you are!

Morton Makes A Clandestine Inspection Of His Brand New Shovel Collection

They're all so pretty!

Ask Morton

Morton?

Uh huhhhhh?

You go a lot of places, don't you?

Uh huhhhh?

Some of those places are a bit dirty. How do you manage to stay clean?

Uh huhhhhh?????

Morton....

Okay.

So, what's your personal hygiene regimen?

Uh. Huh?

How do you clean yourself?

Morton starts his day by bathing in the morning dew and licking himself clean like a cat. Then he finds a birdbath and turns it into a monkey bath. Then he pours himself a great big bubble bath and soaks in the bath until all the bubbles are gone. Then he lathers himself all up with soap and runs around in the sprinklers. Then he goes out into the desert where the chinchillas live and has a dust bath. Then he flies to Pluto and rolls around in the ice and dries off on Mercury. Then he goes to Narnia and has a bath there. Then he goes to--

Uh, Morton?

Uh huhhhhh???

You really do all that every day? You have three baths and travel all over the solar system and go to Narnia and all of that every single day, just to stay clean?

Stop it! Stop it!

What? What did I say?

Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey!

Okay, okay. Morton is clean. Morton is very very clean. Calm down. Morton is a clean monkey. A clean monkey.

That's better.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a big ogre living on top of a pile of leaves. And the wandering troubadour monkey went to the ogre and told it stories about faraway lands where people had cupcakes and watched cartoons on television all day long. And the ogre laughed and laughed. And then he let the troubadour monkey sit on top of the leaves and he could almost see his house from there. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a scary Witch Tree that nobody liked, because it had no leaves or anything. But the famous handsome monkey prince didn't care and he went to the scary Witch Tree and sang birthday songs to it all day and all night for a whole week. And then the Witch Tree decided to go to sleep for the winter. That's what it said anyway. Then the monkey prince sang a long long lullaby until it was time for birthday cake. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a princess trapped in a castle. But then, a handsome monkey came along to rescue her. Except he had to stop at the moat because the water was too cold. So he took a nap instead and then went home. And the princess got out by herself anyway and came over and she and Morton went out and played frisbee. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a mysterious magical kingdom called Little Land, that fit all inside a big bowl. And, one day, a handsome monkey found the bowl. And everybody was happy and ate little tiny mints and peanut butter squares. The end.

Morton Has Big Plans

Morton will exchange the pot of gold for a giant tub of strawberry-toffee ice cream!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Often Displays Herding Instincts Not Normally Seen In Primates

Herding trees takes very little yippee and way too much ki yay!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Has Also Been Known To Construct A Nest Of Leaves In An Emergency

The emergency is sleepiness.

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Will Often Construct A Burrow In Preparation For Winter

With enough room for a cookie jar and a TV!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Often Waits For Hours For Just The Right Moment To Come Along

The right moment for a LOVE pounce!

Morton Does His Research

Look, it's Monkey-pedia!

Morton's Idea Of Heaven

Man Llama Attack!

Rhino Man Attack!

Man Monkey Attack!

Morton Gets In The Spirit Of The Times

Morton brings together cones of all shapes and sizes to sing songs and drink cocoa. Then sing more songs. Then have a little nap. Then eat pancakes.

Yes Morton Can!

He's much flatter than Morton expected.

Morton's Election Adventure Continues

Morton can smell the excitement in the air. It smells like popcorn.