Morton Senses A Fresh Challenge

Morton could climb up there easy! Wanna see?

Morton Gets Excited, But Will Soon Be Mildly Disappointed

Rocket? Morton is going on an actual rocket?

Morton Begins A New Adventure With A Loud Rallying Cry

Chooooo chooooo!!!!! Chooooo chooooo!!!!

The Last Thing Morton Would Want To Do Is Play Favourites

You're Morton's favourite! Yes you are! Yes you are!

Morton Makes A Clandestine Inspection Of His Brand New Shovel Collection

They're all so pretty!

Ask Morton

Morton?

Uh huhhhhh?

You go a lot of places, don't you?

Uh huhhhh?

Some of those places are a bit dirty. How do you manage to stay clean?

Uh huhhhhh?????

Morton....

Okay.

So, what's your personal hygiene regimen?

Uh. Huh?

How do you clean yourself?

Morton starts his day by bathing in the morning dew and licking himself clean like a cat. Then he finds a birdbath and turns it into a monkey bath. Then he pours himself a great big bubble bath and soaks in the bath until all the bubbles are gone. Then he lathers himself all up with soap and runs around in the sprinklers. Then he goes out into the desert where the chinchillas live and has a dust bath. Then he flies to Pluto and rolls around in the ice and dries off on Mercury. Then he goes to Narnia and has a bath there. Then he goes to--

Uh, Morton?

Uh huhhhhh???

You really do all that every day? You have three baths and travel all over the solar system and go to Narnia and all of that every single day, just to stay clean?

Stop it! Stop it!

What? What did I say?

Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey!

Okay, okay. Morton is clean. Morton is very very clean. Calm down. Morton is a clean monkey. A clean monkey.

That's better.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a big ogre living on top of a pile of leaves. And the wandering troubadour monkey went to the ogre and told it stories about faraway lands where people had cupcakes and watched cartoons on television all day long. And the ogre laughed and laughed. And then he let the troubadour monkey sit on top of the leaves and he could almost see his house from there. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a scary Witch Tree that nobody liked, because it had no leaves or anything. But the famous handsome monkey prince didn't care and he went to the scary Witch Tree and sang birthday songs to it all day and all night for a whole week. And then the Witch Tree decided to go to sleep for the winter. That's what it said anyway. Then the monkey prince sang a long long lullaby until it was time for birthday cake. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a princess trapped in a castle. But then, a handsome monkey came along to rescue her. Except he had to stop at the moat because the water was too cold. So he took a nap instead and then went home. And the princess got out by herself anyway and came over and she and Morton went out and played frisbee. The end.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a mysterious magical kingdom called Little Land, that fit all inside a big bowl. And, one day, a handsome monkey found the bowl. And everybody was happy and ate little tiny mints and peanut butter squares. The end.

Morton Has Big Plans

Morton will exchange the pot of gold for a giant tub of strawberry-toffee ice cream!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Often Displays Herding Instincts Not Normally Seen In Primates

Herding trees takes very little yippee and way too much ki yay!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Has Also Been Known To Construct A Nest Of Leaves In An Emergency

The emergency is sleepiness.

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Will Often Construct A Burrow In Preparation For Winter

With enough room for a cookie jar and a TV!

Monkey-pedia Fact: The Love Monkey Often Waits For Hours For Just The Right Moment To Come Along

The right moment for a LOVE pounce!

Morton Does His Research

Look, it's Monkey-pedia!

Morton's Idea Of Heaven

Man Llama Attack!

Rhino Man Attack!

Man Monkey Attack!

Morton Gets In The Spirit Of The Times

Morton brings together cones of all shapes and sizes to sing songs and drink cocoa. Then sing more songs. Then have a little nap. Then eat pancakes.

Yes Morton Can!

He's much flatter than Morton expected.

Morton's Election Adventure Continues

Morton can smell the excitement in the air. It smells like popcorn.

Morton's Election Adventure Begins

Morton likes his fancy new hat, but it's giving him a headache.

Ask Morton

Morton? Morton?

Urmmph?

Are you still eating your Halloween candy?

Morton dressed as a robot pirate ninja zombie.

That sounds very...comprehensive.

Morton got so much candy that, even though he gived most of it away, he still had enough for three tummy aches in a row!

Anyway, the reason I wanted to talk was because, as you know, United States of America is about to elect a new president.

Ron Paul!

No, not Ron Paul.

How do YOU know?

Anyway, I just wanted to ask you, if you were president, what would be your top ten policy initiatives?

More candy!

You have to be a little more specific than that.

More red and green and blue candy!

Oh, okay. That's one. What are the other nine?

Should Morton count up or count down?

Whatever you like.

10. More red and green and blue candy.
9. Do something to cheer up manatees. They look so sad.
8. Turn air force into all blimps and skywriting planes.
7. Have all mail from the government written on taffy and mailed inside chocolate envelopes.
6. Create new Department of Hugs and Kisses. Make Morton secretary and Knox Léon Jolie-Pitt and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into second-in-commanders.
5. Make the president sing State of the Union address to the tune of "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini."
4. Morton can't think of anything for number 4.
3. Balance the budget...on Morton's nose!
2. More orange and purple and black licorice-y candy.
1. Make "Monkey See, Monkey Do" the law for everybody.

That's a pretty impressive list. But do you think you're really addressing the problems facing Americans right now?

Morton has sooooo much candy left! He might get ten tummy aches before he's done!

Morton Stakes Out A Prime Locale For The Victory Celebration

Morton can't wait to see Ron Paul's blimp!

Morton Wins, As Usual

All your flags are belong to Morton!

Morton Makes Hay While The Sun Shines

Hey hay!!!! Hahaha!!!