Ask Morton

Morton?

Uh huhhhhh?

You go a lot of places, don't you?

Uh huhhhh?

Some of those places are a bit dirty. How do you manage to stay clean?

Uh huhhhhh?????

Morton....

Okay.

So, what's your personal hygiene regimen?

Uh. Huh?

How do you clean yourself?

Morton starts his day by bathing in the morning dew and licking himself clean like a cat. Then he finds a birdbath and turns it into a monkey bath. Then he pours himself a great big bubble bath and soaks in the bath until all the bubbles are gone. Then he lathers himself all up with soap and runs around in the sprinklers. Then he goes out into the desert where the chinchillas live and has a dust bath. Then he flies to Pluto and rolls around in the ice and dries off on Mercury. Then he goes to Narnia and has a bath there. Then he goes to--

Uh, Morton?

Uh huhhhhh???

You really do all that every day? You have three baths and travel all over the solar system and go to Narnia and all of that every single day, just to stay clean?

Stop it! Stop it!

What? What did I say?

Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey! Morton is not a dirty monkey!

Okay, okay. Morton is clean. Morton is very very clean. Calm down. Morton is a clean monkey. A clean monkey.

That's better.