Morton Engages In A Furious Debate

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have had caramel ice cream at all? If Morton eats crunchy peppermints in a forest, does it make a sound? If Morton denies the idea of "self" as a coherent entity and rejects the artificial distinction between speaker and audience as it pertains to New Media in both structuralist and post-structuralist dialectic, will that lead to more cookies?