You-oo-00! I wanna be like you-oo-oo....
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Ask Morton
Okay, if Morton really loves everybody, does that include bad people?
Yes!
But they're bad!
Morton has two kinds of love. Kissy love for good people and poopy love for bad people .
Poopy love?
It means Morton throws his love poop at them. To show his love.
And this is just for bad people?
No. It's also for bears and ocelets and sometimes for good people, if Morton eats too much chili.
What do you have against bears and ocelots?
Nothing! Morton loves them! Pay attention!
Okay, so, say, Osama bin Laden, he gets....?
Triple-strength poopy love!
But Katie Couric?
Kissy love!
And Bobby Orr?
Kissy love!
And Sailor Moon Jupiter?
Kissy kissy love!
What about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
Ha ha! Made-up name!
Or Sheik Hassan Nasrallah?
Made-up name!
Or Tom Brokaw?
Made-up name!
What about Angus ibn Wahrscheinlichkeit LeWong-McToodleskrakenbush?
Triple kissy love! And poopy love for his pet ocelot!
Yes!
But they're bad!
Morton has two kinds of love. Kissy love for good people and poopy love for bad people .
Poopy love?
It means Morton throws his love poop at them. To show his love.
And this is just for bad people?
No. It's also for bears and ocelets and sometimes for good people, if Morton eats too much chili.
What do you have against bears and ocelots?
Nothing! Morton loves them! Pay attention!
Okay, so, say, Osama bin Laden, he gets....?
Triple-strength poopy love!
But Katie Couric?
Kissy love!
And Bobby Orr?
Kissy love!
And Sailor Moon Jupiter?
Kissy kissy love!
What about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
Ha ha! Made-up name!
Or Sheik Hassan Nasrallah?
Made-up name!
Or Tom Brokaw?
Made-up name!
What about Angus ibn Wahrscheinlichkeit LeWong-McToodleskrakenbush?
Triple kissy love! And poopy love for his pet ocelot!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
Ask Morton
What would Morton do about the Middle East?Move it over a little so it's not always in the way.
I'm talking about the region of the world known as the Middle East.
Oh.
What were you talking about?
Never mind.
So, does Morton have a solution to the war in the Middle East?
Unlimited monkey hugs!!!!!!
Are you sure that would work?
Absolutely positively absolutely!
How many monkeys would you need for that?
A lot.
And how many hugs would each monkey be responsible for every day?
Three.
So, that's a lot of monkeys times three hugs a day which equals....?
World peace!
You're a wise monkey.
Morton is tired now.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Friday, December 8, 2006
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Monday, December 4, 2006
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Morton Performs Very Clever
Morton will now do his imitation of the Black-Capped Chickadee, a small, plump, small-billed bird that feeds on insects, seeds, acorn mast and berries and ranges throughout Alaska, Canada and the northern half of the United States.
Ahem.
"Fee-bee-bee! Fee-bee-bee! Tsick-zee-zee-zee!"Ha ha ha! Morton was actually imitating a Mountain Chickadee, which ranges throughout southwestern Canada, the western United States and the northern portion of Baja, California!
Morton is laughing so hard, he made fizzy root beer come out his nose!
Ask Morton....
Can you do imitations?
Yes!
How about George Clooney?
He can do imitations too!
No, can you do a George Clooney imitation?
Yes! "Look at me! I'm George Clooney!"
What about James Woods?
"Look at me! I'm James Woods!"
Christopher Walken?
"Look at me! I'm Christopher Walken!"
Sandra Day O'Connor?
"Look at me! I'm Sandra Day O'Connor!"
William Faulkner?
"Look," the man said, and, in the lingering twilight heat, the cicadas madly screeching, I turned and saw all at once the half-remembered vision of the boy he had been, handsome and doomed, laid like a shroud on the ruined man, a feathery gauze through which the deep lines of his face and the purpled swollen veins and all the other landmarks of his debauchery blurred and faded, leaving only the boyish terror in his eyes, eyes which had once glimpsed fearfully his future ruination, but had refused to believe, only to see now, in the startling shimmer of heat, the inescapable truth and now wishing not to believe and to forget, but not forgetting any more than the young doomed man he had been could remember, so that memory and absence of memory were now intertwined as the vision of the young man settled like dew upon the ruins of the old. And I said, "Are you him?" And he said, "Yes."
Wow. That was pretty good. Can you do Ernest Hemingway?
"Look at me! I'm Ernest Hemingway!"
Yes!
How about George Clooney?
He can do imitations too!
No, can you do a George Clooney imitation?
Yes! "Look at me! I'm George Clooney!"
What about James Woods?
"Look at me! I'm James Woods!"
Christopher Walken?
"Look at me! I'm Christopher Walken!"
Sandra Day O'Connor?
"Look at me! I'm Sandra Day O'Connor!"
William Faulkner?
"Look," the man said, and, in the lingering twilight heat, the cicadas madly screeching, I turned and saw all at once the half-remembered vision of the boy he had been, handsome and doomed, laid like a shroud on the ruined man, a feathery gauze through which the deep lines of his face and the purpled swollen veins and all the other landmarks of his debauchery blurred and faded, leaving only the boyish terror in his eyes, eyes which had once glimpsed fearfully his future ruination, but had refused to believe, only to see now, in the startling shimmer of heat, the inescapable truth and now wishing not to believe and to forget, but not forgetting any more than the young doomed man he had been could remember, so that memory and absence of memory were now intertwined as the vision of the young man settled like dew upon the ruins of the old. And I said, "Are you him?" And he said, "Yes."
Wow. That was pretty good. Can you do Ernest Hemingway?
"Look at me! I'm Ernest Hemingway!"
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Thought For the Day
Morton could poop in this canyon every day for a whole year and no-one would even know! Morton feels very small.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Ask Morton....
Does Morton really love everybody?
Yes!
Everybody?
Yes! Yes!
Everybody, really?
Yes! Yes! Yes! Morton gives everybody everybody really really his unlimited monkey love!
Really?
Yes!
Who does Morton love most?
Baby Suri Cruise!
Who does Morton love second most?
Everybody else!
Who does Morton love third most?
Karl Lagerfeld!
Who does Morton love fourth most?
Everybody else!
Yes!
Everybody?
Yes! Yes!
Everybody, really?
Yes! Yes! Yes! Morton gives everybody everybody really really his unlimited monkey love!
Really?
Yes!
Who does Morton love most?
Baby Suri Cruise!
Who does Morton love second most?
Everybody else!
Who does Morton love third most?
Karl Lagerfeld!
Who does Morton love fourth most?
Everybody else!
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