Morton Loves Everybody

Morton Ruins Shakespeare...Again.

2011-05-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a knocking indeed! If an a monkey were
porter of Candy Gate, he should have old turning the
key. (Knock.) Knock, knock, knock! Who's there,
i' the name of the Licorice Man? Here's a little kitten, that lick'd
his cute little paws on th' expectation of plenty. Come in time!
Have napkins enow about you; here you'll sweat for't.
(Knock.) Knock, knock! Who's there, in the other
candy's name? Faith, here's a jelly bean man, that could

Put a bunch of jelly beans on a scale, who put them in

a little bag for Morton, yet could not take out the orange

ones that Morton doesn't like. O, come in, Jelly Bean Man.
(Knock.) Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith,
here's an English toffee lady come hither, for giving
Morton hard chewy treats: come in, Toffee Lady; even though

your candies sometimes hurt Morton's teeth. (Knock.)

Knock, knock! Never at quiet! What are you? But this place is too

ymmy looking for Morton. I'll candy-porter it no further: I had
thought to have let in some of all chocolate bar people that have

chocolate treats for Morton. (Knock.) Anon, anon! [Opens the gate.]

I pray you, remember the candy monkey .

Morton Will Wait As Long As Necessary

2011-05-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

That's it. Morton is tired. Morton is leaving. Morton is gone, little birds. You can come out now.

A Rhetorical Question

2011-05-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Morton is right here!

A Bargain At Any Price

2011-05-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

Includes unlimited kisses!

So Far, Morton Remains Nonplussed At The Coming Of Spring

2011-05-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

Oh, cheer up, you Droopy Debbies!

Snack Attack 2: The Re-snackening!

2011-05-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!

Snack Attack!

2011-05-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!!

Morton's Philosophy In A Nutshell

2011-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

Especially for hugs and kisses and tickles and toys.

The Aftermath Was Exactly As Bad As Feared

2011-05-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

Morton can't remember his name or where he throwed up.

Morton, Role Model For A Generation

2011-04-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

It's syrup! Morton is sure of it!

Nobody Messes With Tex And Gits Away With It

2011-04-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

It was a accident!

Tex Morton Is Obviously A True Cowboy

2011-04-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

All cowboys sing. Everybody knows that!

Tex Morton Shows Off His Rodeo Skills

2011-04-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

Ya ain't goin' nowheres, varmint!

The Stage Wuz Robbed By Tex Morton, Scourge Of The Wild West

2011-04-22T16:50:00.000-07:00

It's Morton's gold now, ya sidewindin' bushwhacker!

Morton Recovers From His Trip In Familiar Surroundings

2011-04-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

Morton would like a salad, please.

The Partying, The Singing, The Dancing, The Morning After

2011-04-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

Morton feels woogy.

Morton Enters A Realm Of Mystery

2011-04-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

Is gris gris anything like gumbo? Because Morton likes gumbo very much.

Simplicity And Elegance

2011-04-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

Morton was so sure they were candy.

Morton Loves His Jazz The Way He Loves His Gumbo

2011-04-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

LOUD!

Mission Accomplished

2011-04-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

Morton can go home now because there is nothing else to do in New Orleans, as far as he knows.

Morton Senses Something Nearby

2011-03-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Perhaps a stew which consists primarily of a strong stock, meat or shellfish, a thickener, and the vegetable "holy trinity" of celery, bell peppers, and onion.

Morton Revels In The Long Rich History Of His Destination

2011-03-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

Is there food here? No? Then Morton is leaving.

Morton Has A Brief Statement To Make Regarding "The Incident."

2011-03-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Was. Not. Morton.

Morton Feels A Quick Test Is In Order

2011-03-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

Just to make sure it's all okay, that's all.

Morton's Super Secret Destination Is Revealed At Last

2011-03-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

Gumbo Land thataway!!!!!!

Morton's Motivation For His Latest Adventure Is Deeply Personal

2011-03-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

Morton wants gumbo!!!!!!!!!!!

World Champion Underground Pinball Hustler Morton Talks Smack

2011-03-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

This is Morton's house! You're just visiting! Have some pie and ice cream!

Morton Accidentally Make Balloon Hulk Angry

2011-03-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

Morton not like Balloon Hulk when he angry!!!!

Morton Has A Special Name For The Witch King

2011-03-12T13:51:00.000-08:00

Mister Spiky Face! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Morton Prefers To Call Him Heckboy

2011-03-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Morton has an itchy nose and needs a hero to scratch it!

Morton Has A Slight Falling Out With His New Friends, The Fetts.

2011-03-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

Han did too shoot first!

Morton Chose The Wrong Day To Wear His Red Shirt

2011-03-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

If "assimilate" means "kissing" in Borg, count Morton in!

Morton Unwittingly Attends The Dart Goalie Auditions

2011-02-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

Morton doesn't like that expression on your face. What are you up to?

From Morton's History Files: Morton to Buzz Aldrin July 21, 1969

2011-02-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

Morton is walking here!

Morton Calls This His "Backyard Estate"

2011-01-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

Bring Morton his strawberry milkshake post-haste!

Not Ideal Outerwear For Morton's Current Situation

2011-01-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

Morton doesn't care. He loves his sweater and scarf even if he's trapped here forever!

Morton Makes A Daring Night Time Escape

2011-01-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

eeep.

Just Where Has Morton Been?

2011-01-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

In the clutches of Evil Santa!

After A Short Time In The Land Of Purple, Morton, Naturally, Becomes King

2010-12-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

Purple candy for everyone!

Morton Stumbles Upon The Land Of Purple

2010-12-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

Everyplace matches Morton's scarf!

Morton Tells Tall Tales

2010-12-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

That cake was the size of an elephant and Morton ate it in seven bites!

Morton Refuses To Let Labels Define His Friends

2010-12-17T19:39:00.000-08:00

Her name is Lorraine.

Morton Explains....

2010-12-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

This is not a cannon, so Morton is only playing.

Moderately Well-Respected Avant-Garde Artist Morton Unveils His Latest Masterpiece

2010-12-15T19:33:00.000-08:00

Morton calls it "Giant Chocolate Under Blue Skies".

Morton Uncovers A Hidden Artifact

2010-12-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

It was right here!

Morton's Christmas Card #2

2010-12-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

Morton is halfway finished decorating!

Although It's Technically Winter, Morton Prefers Autumn Colours

2010-12-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

Brown makes Morton look smart!

Morton Shows Off His New Christmas Ensemble

2010-12-11T11:06:00.000-08:00

It's not cold at Christmas, for once.

The Cause Of The Ensuing Mayhem Briefly Glimpsed

2010-12-10T12:06:00.000-08:00

There's nobody around anywhere!

Morton Re-Purposes As Necessary

2010-12-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

This used to be Morton's fort, but now it's a hot tub.

Experts Capture Secret Behind-The-Scenes Footage Of The Love Monkey Preparing To Pounce

2010-12-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

Wait.....wait.....wait.....

Morton's Christmas Card #1

2010-12-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

Morton kisses Leaning Santa!

Morton Uses Non-Conventional Problem Solving Techniques

2010-12-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

Looks finished to Morton!

Morton No Longer Wishes To Pledge A Fraternity

2010-12-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

Morton's whole insides taste like bean soup.

Morton Recommends His New Friend's Services For The Following Reason:

2010-12-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

Powerful...grip...crushing...Morton!

Not Actually A Roller Coaster

2010-12-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

Roller coaster, wheeeeee!!!!

Morton Replaces His Slush Fortress With Something More Durable

2010-12-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

Morton is all splintery.

Wednesday Is Hump Day

2010-12-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

Morton's hump is freezing!

Monday Passes And Soon Morton Breaks Through Into Tuesday

2010-11-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

Morton just realized, he could have strawberry candy right now! That made him happy again!

Morton Has His Very First Case Of The Mondays

2010-11-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

Why bother?

Famous Naturalist Morton Presents A Study In Contrasts

2010-11-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

There's a little green tree there and snow all over here. It's all mixed up!

First Morton Searches, Then Morton Rescues

2010-11-27T11:33:00.000-08:00

There you are!

Phase One: Avalanche. Completed.

2010-11-26T07:17:00.000-08:00

Sorrrrry!!!!!

Morton Lays Out His Plan

2010-11-25T07:31:00.000-08:00

First, Morton will make a avalanche, then Morton will pounce!

The Construction Of Morton's Mighty Slush Fort Begins

2010-11-24T08:02:00.000-08:00

Morton wants the walls to be nine feet high.

Morton Begins To Suspect A Conspiracy

2010-11-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

This is FAKE winter!

First Snow Falls, Then Leaves

2010-11-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Morton is plus plus confused.

Morton Meets His Favourite Snowman Ever

2010-11-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

He has a snowhawk! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

A Snow Nap Is Not A Good Idea

2010-11-20T11:37:00.000-08:00

Morton's face feels funny.

Morton Builds The Very First Snowman Of The Season

2010-11-19T11:34:00.000-08:00

Morton isn't finished yet!

Morton Gets Hit By The Very First Snowball Of The Season

2010-11-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Morton Takes His First Step In The New Snow

2010-11-17T11:32:00.000-08:00

Darn.

Morton Is Overjoyed

2010-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Over-over-overjoyed!

When The First Snow Happens, Morton Is There!

2010-11-15T22:38:00.000-08:00

Morton was here for three weeks!

Hedge Dog!

2010-11-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

Part Hedge, Part Dog, All Hedge Dog!

Morton Emerges Unscathed From The Deadly Forest Of Flame

2010-11-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

Lemonade! Lemonade!

Dark Wizard Morton Summons Spirits From The Very Pit of Hell

2010-11-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

Ohhhhhh, Spirit! Do Morton's bidding and bring Morton chocolate-covered almonds!

Morton's New Invention

2010-11-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

Morton is nearly finished.

Morton Is In Town For The Quidditch World Cup

2010-11-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

Morton is the best keeper in history ever!

Morton Is Desperate To Play With Vulcans

2010-11-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

Beam Morton up NOW!

At That Point, Morton's Balloon Experiment Began To Go Horribly Awry

2010-11-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

It's made of bubble gum plus Morton's head is stuck!

Morton Did Not Invent This....

2010-11-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

...but it was totally Morton's idea!

Morton, Master Of Semiotics, In Action

2010-11-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Someone is digging a hole behind the doggie who is looking at the bicycle. The hole is for the skateboard.

Morton Faces His Greatest Camouflage Challenge Yet

2010-11-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

Morton is twice as invisible this time!

Can Morton Hide Vertically As Well As Horizontally?

2010-11-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yes! He! Can!

Which is Morton And Which Is The Rock?

2010-11-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

Nobody can tell! Nobody!

Morton Continues To Demonstrate His Awesome Camouflage Skills

2010-11-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

Ha ha! Fooled you again!

Morton Demonstrates His Awesome Camouflage Skills

2010-11-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

Ha ha! Fooled you! Morton is right here!

And Then Morton Realized That Halloween Was About Something More Than Just Candy

2010-10-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

These are Morton's new friends, Steve and Steve Jr.

Evil Scientist Morton Prepares To Unleash His Most Evil Creation

2010-10-30T10:36:00.000-07:00

Face the hideous wrath of the Candy Cobbler....mwahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!

FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!!!!

2010-10-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

Darn.

Morton Begins To Lose Patience

2010-10-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Ohhhhh, now what!

Morton And Old Zeke Just Talked The Night Away

2010-10-27T18:01:00.000-07:00

And then Morton ate all the candy apples he could find and then he throwed up and then he went to sleep.

Nervous?

2010-10-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

Morton thinks he's being watched.

Unfortunately, The Witness Was Unable To Identify The Candy Thief In The Lineup

2010-10-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

Morton's breath smells like toffee.

The Rare And Reclusive Pumpkin Eating Spider Makes An Appearance

2010-10-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

Just in time for a kiss!

Morton Lets His Feelings Be Known

2010-10-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Morton said it was an accident twelve times! Sheesh!

Morton Is Always A Comfort To Those In Need

2010-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Come on. Morton didn't eat all the candy! (Yes he did.)

The Soap-Eating Contest Was Once Morton's Favourite Part Of Pumpkin-palooza

2010-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Ohhhhh.

Morton Begins Pumpkin-palooza With A....

2010-10-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

BOO!